Wednesday, November 28, 2012


I am drunk and angry and I want to scream and I know I'm ungrateful and I hate you for taking my innocence. He took my virginity he took my heart but you. You took everything that was pure and clean about me and drenched it in leach infested gasoline
and set it on fire and oh GOD I HATE YOU. I want to fall apart
I want to fall apart I'm about to crash and burn. You know i'm about to break. I'm going to break I'm going to break oh christ I can feel my heart start to crack in the spider web of gentle invisible lines I can't come to you every time i'm mad at him and OH GOD I'M SO ANGRY and ashamed i'm so frustrated with you and him and this awful mess I wish I could talk to you but i'm so scared that you'll scoff and tell me to grow up because what else is there to do in life but to grow up and grow old and wither away and to die alone always alone we're incomplete all of us. We live all our lives searching, stretching, fitting square pegs into round holes or worse forcing bigger rounder pegs into smaller claustrophobic bodies you are my bigger rounder peg and i'm too small to contain you--you stretch me out and leave me cracked and chipped and radiating fracture lines outward reaching for something that will finally break me whole and turn me into a black hole and then, maybe, I can fit you and you and you and some of him or all of him inside me without breaking.